the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
