Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
