I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
