it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Randomize
