then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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