I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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