Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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