every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Randomize
