how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
