You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
