dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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