I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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