I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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