I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
