Jerry, you need to find god
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
