I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
