Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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