So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
