just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
