I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You've changed since you got that strap on
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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