oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
