i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
