he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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