I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
