i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
