$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
