i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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