I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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