you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
