Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO