what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it