Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.