There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
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