i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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