Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
