Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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