I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
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I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
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It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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