And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
