I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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