she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
