let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
