At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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