It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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