I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm at about main and main street
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
