i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
