My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
