maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
