can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
