I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I believe in your delicious
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
