It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
