I seem to have left my pride at pride
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
