shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
