Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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