Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
