ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
