You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
