my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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