So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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