I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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