I think my fart just growled at me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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