Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
