omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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