all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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