Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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