She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
