I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Randomize
