my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
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