Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
