Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
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Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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