You're so nebulous sometimes
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
