he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
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please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
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We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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