my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
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Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize