tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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