i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
