He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
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I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
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He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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