Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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